Friday, June 26, 2009 1:57 PM

Yesterday, just before 12:30 as I was driving to an eye appointment after having my glasses, with which I see to drive and or see things clearly like movies or faces from a distance, taped together for the last week, a little bird swooped around the corner and bounced off my windshield. Yesterday started with my psyche a little frayed to begin with, then one of Charlie’s Angels died.. I am usually what I call an efficiently aggressive driver.. sometimes I take it easy but yesterday I took the road with abandon, and that’s when the little winged thing flew into me. I immediately felt the karmic reaction from driving with the intention of taking the road down, like pulling off the skin of a bear or laughing in the face of the devil. I felt like if I had only been going slower for even 2 or three seconds, this wouldn’t have happened. I hoped the bird would be ok and maybe it just was a little disoriented and flew happily away. But then I noticed the residue, just a bit, not blood but a sort of finger print or whatever birds leave behind -- talon prints on my windshield, then I couldn’t rationalize as easily and I became somewhat unglued on the way to my eye appointment. I think it’s a breach of decorum to show up at the optometrist with raccoon eyes.

It turns out that Michael Jackson passed away yesterday just before 12:30. Weird harbinger bird? I dunno.

This morning after sleepwalking into work after not sleeping a wink last night (half dreams of birds, death, social networking) holding a hot cup of life in my hands, my co-worker Christine who knows an unintentional pastime of mine is to rescue fauna walked in with a little tiny baby bird cupped in hers. Her husband had dropped her off and noticed the bird hit a tree and fall stunned to the ground. He implored her to take it as he was late for work. We built a makeshift infirmary for the baby in the hopes she would just reorient herself and we could drop her off in the community garden next door later on today. But she got a second wind and chirped her way into a chance at freedom sooner than later. Christine had a meeting and asked me to take the bird… I walked over to the garden plot that I water once a week for a friend and sat the box down. I slowly tore through the black tissue paper lid taped on to witness a shaking bird who seemed tinier than even a few minutes before, all wet from the water in the tea cup saucer. I noticed for the first time its wing was broken.. what to do? I figured she still may fly so tore off the remaining tissue to give her space. By this time, some of the bird regulars were above us in the bougainvillea tweeting away and in comparison these birds seemed goliath and powerful, a strange juxtaposition. She hopped up and over the box with promise, but quickly flitted about and fell over onto her broken wing, then on her back flailing. I picked her up and she was calm. So calm. Too calm, in fact she had died right there and then as I held her. She was too fragile and broken but I held her for 10 minutes and rubbed her head lightly and said lil’ birdie prayers, then I folded her in the Kleenex I really could have used for my waterfall of a face and buried her next to an English rose bush. I placed an exquisitely pink rose on the mound and imagined that the universe gave me the perfect opportunity to cradle a bird today when yesterday I broke one.

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Thursday, June 18, 2009 3:42 PM
today is a day when i don't really know which way is up, but somehow it feels alright. over the course of the last few months i've created a sort of cocoon around me, an impending change as the ultimate outcome.. a birth or rebirth of a sort is in the hopes. just a psychic cocoon. The REAL outcome of this i hope will be the motivation to do some recording of the songs i have written in the last 2 years. I owe this to myself and i find it a nuisance to have numerous written/half written tunes absorbing space in my head, on my mini-disk, in my Logic and out of the realm of the living. I want them to exist in concrete ways in the world, this way i can move on, sleep, hoola hoop whatever the fuck.


send me energy o divine mad maker give me the gift of movement, pour into my cup your sweetest nectar of action, make me believe again that i do have the capacity to flutter the wings of a butterfly and affect cyclical happenstance.

so there.

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Thursday, April 30, 2009 5:28 PM
yesterday eve as i drove to meet a friend for a libation i was waiting at a light on highland and 3rd.. out of nowhere i see a young man wildly signaling to traffic to stop then i see the object of why, his little dog was running willy nilly through traffic ... immediately i put on my 'must save the dog' hat and braced myself to focus my energy on making sure this dog would be ok.. the dog ran across the street into oncoming traffic... while the boy just chased and chased it.. this turns out just inspires the dog to run even more amok in true dog fashion.. at this point the dog has run back across the street and down the sidewalk, i breathe then turn right in order to follow them.. i see now the young man has learned that if he stands still the dog will just sort of dance around him.. but every time he reaches out, the dog skirts the road and so i slow down, the dog comes over, and i open the passenger side and offer it a ride.. it's curiousity is piqued but then at the sound of the honking car behind me, skittishly runs away.. so what's a little traffic snarl when a dog's life is at risk.. i pull into a driveway and turn off the engine.. the dog and owner are 50 ft away and the dog will not come to him.. the dog sees me and starts furiously barking and coming closer to me.. this diversion it turns out is the perfect trick ~ a subterfuge so the boy can grab his dog.. which he does.. the boy and i proceed to walk slowly towards each other with our heads cocked in a sort of amazement like in a scene from one of those movies where two lovers have been just been reuinted after years ~ we both smiled and gazed upon each other as if we had known the other a lifetime.. i asked 'is she ok? she?' he said 'ginger's a pretty feminine name.. it's a stripper name'. i looked upon little ginger and took her face into my palms, and said 'quit the stripping, ginger, quit it right NOW.' i said 'my name is toddy' and he replied flirtatiously behind clear blue eyes 'jeremy'... he went on scatteredly to explain how he has come to not have a cell phone and that he could give me his phone number at which point i said... 'yes, if you weren't 1/2 my age, maybe.' He said 'exactly how old do you think i am?' and i just laughed and got in my car with a smile and a good karma point for dog heaven.


Wednesday, April 29, 2009 2:53 PM
Today is the first day of the rest of my blog life. blog.. blogger bloggest. So i had a dream last week and since i've been wondering just what might be of interest to those who may find themselves caught in 'all things toddy'
and i don't really know what to blog about necessarily, i thought i might start with a dream .. Since this blog is mainly about all things me, i figure what better place to start than in the middle of my brain, the dream part.

I shall call it 'the dream series' ..

dream, april something, 2009

i've had flying dreams before and in some flying dreams, it is a struggle at first to keep in the air, i have to will myself to fly. IN this one, i had no problem, in fact i was a tour guide for a couple. they flew behind me while i showed them the sights. This is where i go into present tense, as if it is happening now!!! I jumping off of a highly situated cliff.. down below is a humongous glisteningly blue river swishing along and on the other side is a sister cliff. The color of the cliffs is red, like the red rocks in Utah.. but covering most of the cliffs is white snow and the sky is a clear blue with scattered clouds.. altogether quite a beautiful site, the river seemingly going on forever and i am flying fast along the edge of the cliff pointing out the beautiful scenery to the couple behind me.. that was about it. No great epiphany but flying is sure fun. Shortly after, i dreamt that i was running like a powerful animal.. in slo mo and covering great lengths, i like these movement dreams.. progress is possible.

k bye now

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~archives~

04.2009
06.2009